The following article is by Rick Warren from his website Purpose Driven Life
How to Handle Conflict by Rick Warren
My dear brothers and sisters, be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry. James 1:19 (NLT)
*** *** *** ***
I'll tell you how to deal with conflict quickly, but you're not going to like it. The solution to conflict resolution is one word: confrontation.
If you're going to resolve conflict, you must confront. But, you don't have to confront in anger. In fact, you should try not to confront in anger. Lovingly go to the person and, then speaking the truth in love, deal with the problem immediately.
Very few of us enjoy confrontation. The only people who really do are troublemakers who seem to delight in confrontation. They love to go to people and say, "You're blowing it!" That's their thrill.
Because it's risky and uncomfortable, most people don't like confrontation, but it's the only way to resolve conflict.
What's the best way to confront? James 1:19 teaches three rules for confrontation. Everyone should be:
* Quick to listen
* Slow to speak, and
* Slow to become angry
If you're quick to listen and if you're slow to speak, you'll automatically be slow to anger.
What are you listening for? You are listening for the hurt in that person. Hurting people always hurt other people. When someone is being a jerk, more than likely it's because that person is hurting. When you understand their hurt a bit, you have a better understanding of why they do what they do, and you're a little more patient with them.
Understanding always brings patience. When we don't understand things, we're impatient. When we understand them, we're much more patient.
I thoroughly enjoyed this article, however, I wanted to expound on Rick Warren's three points gained from James 1:19. They are a great guide in resolving conflict and should be focused on.
Quick to listen - In the midst of a disagreement, in the heat of the moment, it is most difficult to listen. We decide that what the other party has to say is of little importance. We fail to understand that conflict, though good, can only be resolved if this first step is taken. Without the patience to listen we fall short of understanding.
Slow to speak - Instead of listening we try to think of our argument and how we will retaliate. We are also quick to interrupt the other party, eager to make our point known and understood. If we slow down we will be able to reason and come to faster conflict resolution which benefits each side.
Slow to become angry - When we are losing an argument, feel that the other party does not see our point, or have no argument at all, it is easy to become angry. All patience is lost. This is an urge that must be prevented as conflict is not resolved through anger. It is escalated and becomes worst.
If there were only three rules of conflict resolution, these are those three rules. Be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry.
Comments